I had a best mate growing up. Like a lot of things, you don't realise what you had till its gone.
I always thought it strange that he didn't have any Aunties & Uncles or Grandparents.
I learnt much later that his parents had run away and eloped to escape abusive families.
Sadly, they didn't really escape. His father was a violent alcoholic, just like his grandfather.
As a kid and even teenager I didn't really understand what was going on in his life. I knew his Dad was a [Greg Williams], and that his mother went into hiding when he was a teenager, but honestly I guess I never thought too much about it.
He would joke about stuff, and I guess i never fully appreciated the pain.
He couldn't really form proper relationships with women. But eventually he found somebody, settled down, started a family.
Now he would have cut off his own fucking hands before hitting them. But what the fuck did he know about being a loving husband or father. He did have a temper, and whilst never violent, he pushed them away (perhaps even subconsciously).
To my shame, I was too wrapped up in my own family life to be of any help.
I sometimes think that my generation got really fucked over in the fatherhood department. We were expected to be so different to the generation before, and we just didn't know hoe.
They separated, and when it became clear they were never going to get back together, he killed himself. He was in his early 30's, still with most of his life ahead of him.
His kids grew up without a father, and lets just say that last I heard neither had turned out ok.
I don't buy into this shit that putting bugs in a girls desk when you're eight years old means that you will grow up to be violent.
And it pisses me off that the leading anti-DV campaigners are mostly dykes who think all men are rapists and should be castrated at birth.
But violence against women and kids is never acceptable or excusable.
And if perpetrators can't stop themselves, then they need to be stopped.
